everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
well you can't waste a boner
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
