We named our party play list daddy issues
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
