It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
