Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
