Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I need to align my fucking chakras
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
