The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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