i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
