cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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