I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
