Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Randomize
