Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
