Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize