Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
