I have demons in me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
