I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
