The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize