I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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