Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Randomize
