I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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