dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize