i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
