what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
this just has baby written all over it
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
