You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
