I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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