I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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