i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
