i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
