Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
