apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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