So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
