WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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