i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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