Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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