wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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