found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
