FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
