the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
