You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
