It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
