You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
