It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
