god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
