I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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