I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
