I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
