she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
