i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
