I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
FUCK WHALES
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
