You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
