I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
