Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
