Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
