It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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