Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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