WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
