Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
