i think my mom watched the whole time
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
