Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
