i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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