I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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