I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
