its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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