i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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