forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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