Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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