Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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