Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
