You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
