Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
