You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
