The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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