So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
