you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
