we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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