So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
