I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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