I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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